Why I hate your pets.
I don't imagine this will be a very popular post, as I'm sure a lot of you are pets owners. But the cool thing about having a blog is that I can say whatever I want, even if it's an unpopular opinion. How could I possibly hate pets, let alone your pet, you may ask?
Well, they're needy. That's pretty much it. Not only are the entirely dependant and endlessly needing of you in every way imaginable, they will never grow out of it. Babies, sure, they need the crap out of you. But at least they get to a certain point where they grow out of needing you (coming from the 27 year old who still lives with her Mum). Your dog is always going to want you to pat it. Incessantly. Your cat is always going to need you to clean out the litter tray. Your bird is going to need a fresh batch of seeds every day. And your iguana is always going to need you to power its sunlamps.
Doesn't that just sound exhausting? Not even just physically, more than anything pets are emotionally exhausting to me. Your dog will come up to me with a look in it's gooey brown eyes that begs "love me!" And I don't want to love it - so I feel guilty instead. Full of guilt. Guilt that I don't love your dog, and guilt that you're looking at me - expecting me to love your dog. And I'm sorry - but I just don't.
Now, don't even get me started on cats. They've got you all fooled into thinking they're independent and aloof. But no no - they're just dogs in disguise. Wanting you to pet them and love them - but just not wanting you to know they want that. That is some next level neediness shit right there. And if I wanted needy manipulative bullshit in my life, I would date a 16 year old girl.
So, I'm sorry. I hate your pet. Because it needs you. And I can't bare the thought of it needing me. And I know you love little Rover and Miss Pussytinkles - and I hope they enrich your life magnificently. But please keep them away from me.